I'm tired. My sleeping has been all screwed up this week because I cannot seem to shut my brain off. I hate when that happens. I've never classified myself as a truly great sleeper, but normally I do pretty well...except for those nights when I feel the need to think through every. single. thing that is happening in my life, which always leads to psychoanalyzing myself, which in turn leaves me lying awake at all hours of the night. This is eventually followed by a restless night's sleep that is often full of strange dreams and sometimes a little sleepwalking. No worries if you think this is strange; I do too! Gosh, I wish brains came equipped with an OFF switch.
So, I'm in a little funk today. Not a depressed funk, but just a quiet, let's-internalize-everything funk. Easy enough to handle, but still a funk, nonetheless. I keep finding myself focusing on the many what-if's in my life, and playing out all of their options in my head. This game can sometimes be a fun one, like when you're planning a "what if my bestie and I met up in Chicago for a weekend" scenario; but sometimes they aren't so fun, like when you play out the "what if I'm selling myself short" game. Ugh. I don't like this game. And, as much as I am a worrier and I do sometimes get into a pessimistic rut, I'm normally more of the Pollyanna type. I'm good at seeing the glass as half-full, at twisting people's thoughts in order to show their optimistic other side, and I'm good at smiling and making other people smile. But today I need to remind myself to smile a bit more; to remind myself that my life is freaking awesome and I truly do love it because it's filled to the brim with:
-Coworkers who bring in Dunkin' Donuts coffee because they know it's my favorite.
-An adorable dog (my coworker's) who rests his head on my chest when I scratch the sweet spot behind his ear.
-A Mom who meets me for impromptu lunch dates.
-My Dad who listens to me babble about my books even though he doesn't really care.
-A job that I adore.
-A wonderful friend who needs an afternoon escape from the office in the form of a walk and gossip session just as much as I do.
-A best friend who knows me better than I know myself.
-An amazing apartment that is my own little haven.
-The warmth of Colorado sunshine on an otherwise chilly day.
-Being able to flirt with cute boys.
-The opportunity to travel and the support of my family that helps make it possible.
-The option to indulge in my nerdy, school-loving ways.
-Feeling accomplished and renewed after sweating it out at the gym while the music blasts.
-Lovely bloggy friends.
-A surprising amount of patience when it comes to someone or something that I truly care about.
-The constant presence of art and language in my life.
-A newly walking 10 month old who smiles when she sees me and always wants to play with my jewelry.
..and oh-so-much more...
So, I'm in a little funk today. Not a depressed funk, but just a quiet, let's-internalize-everything funk. Easy enough to handle, but still a funk, nonetheless. I keep finding myself focusing on the many what-if's in my life, and playing out all of their options in my head. This game can sometimes be a fun one, like when you're planning a "what if my bestie and I met up in Chicago for a weekend" scenario; but sometimes they aren't so fun, like when you play out the "what if I'm selling myself short" game. Ugh. I don't like this game. And, as much as I am a worrier and I do sometimes get into a pessimistic rut, I'm normally more of the Pollyanna type. I'm good at seeing the glass as half-full, at twisting people's thoughts in order to show their optimistic other side, and I'm good at smiling and making other people smile. But today I need to remind myself to smile a bit more; to remind myself that my life is freaking awesome and I truly do love it because it's filled to the brim with:
-Coworkers who bring in Dunkin' Donuts coffee because they know it's my favorite.
-An adorable dog (my coworker's) who rests his head on my chest when I scratch the sweet spot behind his ear.
-A Mom who meets me for impromptu lunch dates.
-My Dad who listens to me babble about my books even though he doesn't really care.
-A job that I adore.
-A wonderful friend who needs an afternoon escape from the office in the form of a walk and gossip session just as much as I do.
-A best friend who knows me better than I know myself.
-An amazing apartment that is my own little haven.
-The warmth of Colorado sunshine on an otherwise chilly day.
-Being able to flirt with cute boys.
-The opportunity to travel and the support of my family that helps make it possible.
-The option to indulge in my nerdy, school-loving ways.
-Feeling accomplished and renewed after sweating it out at the gym while the music blasts.
-Lovely bloggy friends.
-A surprising amount of patience when it comes to someone or something that I truly care about.
-The constant presence of art and language in my life.
-A newly walking 10 month old who smiles when she sees me and always wants to play with my jewelry.
..and oh-so-much more...
making these kinds of lists is helpful. i end up doing it often on my blog or in my journal, and it's actually really helpful on those days where do aren't feeling so great. you are not weird. i stay up all the time over thinking everything.
ReplyDeleteohhhh, YOu do have so much to be grateful for and I think I know how you are feeling. I am in such a funk right now, except I cried again today. And, I am mad and upset, but Then I feel like I dont have the right to be feeling this way when I have so many other things to be thankful for. I want to blog about all that I am upset about (I know I did this 2 days ago, but I have more!) haha but I feel guilty being upset about the things I am upset about. WELL, Basically, I HOPE you get out of your funk and return to your happy self :)
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