Thursday, December 3, 2009


(Baby Jake)

I feel so helpless. I can bow my head and pray for Jake. I can think every single postivie thought that comes to mind. I can send my love and support. I can make Jamie laugh with little text messages because I know she needs to smile. I can talk with Mama A and get updates. I can post for prayers on Facebook and here.

...but I can't be there. I can't give my best friend a hug. I can't tell her that my shoulder is hers whenever she needs it. I can't send encouragement and strength through a smile to Mama and Papa A or Katie and her husband. I can't even keep the dogs out of trouble at Jamie's parents' house. I can't do anything that feels even remotely useful.

I know this has a touch of pity party to it, but I'm angry and frustrated that this is happening to such a wonderful family. I'm a strong woman and I am surprisingly good at handling stressful situations...until I'm alone and my walls break down. Well, here I am alone in my apartment looking at pictures of baby Jake and I've never felt so incredibly helpless in my entire life. I hate it; I hate this situation; and I hate that the people I love as much as my own blood family are in so much pain right now.

I just needed to get the words out of my head...


  1. Oh man, I bet it is a lot harder to look at the pictures. I'm still praying.

  2. Awww,that picture is heart breaking!!
    Hoping for the best! So sorry you feel so helpless...I can only imagine..

  3. Thank you. I'm feeling much better today...just had a bad moment last night. It's nice to be able to share these things here and find support.


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