Thursday, December 3, 2009
I feel so helpless. I can bow my head and pray for Jake. I can think every single postivie thought that comes to mind. I can send my love and support. I can make Jamie laugh with little text messages because I know she needs to smile. I can talk with Mama A and get updates. I can post for prayers on Facebook and here.
...but I can't be there. I can't give my best friend a hug. I can't tell her that my shoulder is hers whenever she needs it. I can't send encouragement and strength through a smile to Mama and Papa A or Katie and her husband. I can't even keep the dogs out of trouble at Jamie's parents' house. I can't do anything that feels even remotely useful.
I know this has a touch of pity party to it, but I'm angry and frustrated that this is happening to such a wonderful family. I'm a strong woman and I am surprisingly good at handling stressful situations...until I'm alone and my walls break down. Well, here I am alone in my apartment looking at pictures of baby Jake and I've never felt so incredibly helpless in my entire life. I hate it; I hate this situation; and I hate that the people I love as much as my own blood family are in so much pain right now.
I just needed to get the words out of my head...